The Sweetest Gift

I heard this song and fell in love. This really is what has kept me going, knowing he is sitting with Jesus right now. How amazing that must be. Obviously we miss him so much. Most nights I still cry myself to sleep. I really am still in shock and denial about the whole thing. He can't be gone. He simply is just down in Utah. He will be coming home soon. My brain still can't wrap around the fact that he won't. I miss him so much it hurts. I am glad to say, it has gotten better. I still ache, but compared to those first two weeks, I feel good that I can go most of the day without breaking down sobbing. I have my beautiful kiddos to thank for that. I see him in them everyday and I feel so blessed that he left them behind with me.

I have a couple more vlogs to make for the 2020 season. I'm not sure when I will feel up to making them quite yet, but hopefully soon. I have our Fall Fun and Tyler's birthday, where Cameron will be in most of those. Then our Holiday one, Riley's Birthday, and our last quarter of the year recap (all of our random moments that didn't fit into any other vlogs). I knew that Cameron would want me to keep vlogging, even though I am having a real tough time with it. I keep thinking how blessed we are to have ALL of these videos of him. How blessed we are that even though Riley may forget some things about him and Tyler won't remember him at all, they will be able to watch him on video be a FANTASTIC dad and husband. This is what keeps me going when it comes to taking videos and pictures. I may feel so down and have no desire to anymore (right now), but we never know when will be our last day. So until then, take the pictures, take the videos, capture the memories.